Standing Alone in the Crowd

So it appears I have a blog. I’m not really sure what to do with it but Husband assures me that if I can speak I can write, so going to give it a go. I’ve looked around the web, and done my research and it seems that there isn’t really anything that is specifically written by an adult who is gifted, well nothing that gives any kind of insight into what its like living with being gifted.

People I’ve spoken to since I was hit with the realisation I was gifted like a fireball from the sky to the head (not one of my smarter moments) usually come out with lines like “oh well, that’s nothing to complain about”  or  “wish I had bit more of that giftedness to call my own” or my personal favourite “at least it isn’t a real disability, you should be thankful for that”.

What people fail to realise is that it IS a disability in many many ways. I’m awkward in social situations of more than 3 people, I sometimes miss the blindingly obvious (like the fact I’m gifted in the first place – took 28 years for that particular diamond to come out of the rough), I don’t have enough lifetimes to achieve all I want or to satisfy my thirst for knowledge, which for ‘normal’ people is like constantly knowing you are going to die in six weeks, I can’t go to a toilet without counting the tiles under my feet, I become overwhelmed with emotion and sensory stimuli, ALL the senses, at the slightest touch, which makes for great intimate relations but not much else (try explaining why you’re crying when you watch the Lion King), feeling as though I have been beamed down from a different planet, and the most frustrating of all, at least today, is the inability to ever completely be able to explain myself.

So let me explain myself….

I will see a picture, a situation, hear a line or have some other thought and it is instantly filed, and triggers a whole series of connections faster than even I can keep up with landing me at some other point a zillion light years away from where I started. I then have to try and explain to a person why I am suddenly laughing at something that is definitely not funny, or why I’m sad when everyone else is laughing, or simply explain the absurd pathway my brain took from ‘a’ to ‘m’ via ‘104’.

Another example of this could be when discussing things with Husband. I think in a mixture of images, science tables, numbers, linear thoughts and patterns, I am constantly seeing connections and patterns in things that are seemingly unrelated. Trying to put this myriad of layers and processes into such a two dimensional form as speech is nigh on impossible.  I have gotten to the point at the moment where I tend not to even try.

As a result of this relatively new discovery, I have studying my Masters in Gifted Education. A very gifted way of getting to the bottom of my uniqueness I know. However it is opening up all sorts of different levels of understanding about ‘how’ or ‘why’ my brain reacts the way it does.

I’ll be using this blog to muse, ponder and delve into what it is like to live with this non-disability on a daily basis.

Thanks for reading.

2 thoughts on “Standing Alone in the Crowd

    1. Thanks Dwayne. Wasn’t sure how I would go giving myself a deadline each week, but i’m loving it, and I am finding that it gives me a different angle to approach life ‘stuff’ from. Not take it so seriously, as it were. Thanks for reading. :O)

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