The Darkness Temptation

It will not surprise those who have read my other posts regarding the emotional and sensual sensitivity that gifted people often feel that I sometimes experience depression. Note I didn’t say I struggle with, am a victim of, suffer from or have depression. I have days now and again, usually when I’m tired, that I experience overwhelm and depression, and I could stay in bed for the whole day.

I don’t though, as I am causing too many things in the world to impact too many children to give in to that feeling. I will keep going even though I feel lousy; if I’m going to feel lousy I may as well be lousy and productive. Each day I refuse to allow this feeling to dominate me or my actions I become stronger. A good friend said to me “Each day brings the potential for you to exceed your expectations of yourself in everything you do. Be relentless for your passion.”  Sometimes those expectations are simple. I wrote this poem recently while experiencing one of these days.

There are times
when the darkness overwhelms me,
All encompassing, swirling,
spiralling emptiness
that just floods in and washes everything away
like a tidal wave; leaving
nothing good, or whole
or light in it’s path
I am swept under,
over and around;
not knowing which way is up

I struggle to breathe and
the temptation to let the darkness,
the emptiness and the nothingness
take me is powerful, overwhelming
and futile to resist.
It calls for surrender.

Then, just as the weariness
overcomes me, there you are.
Like a hand to a drowning man, or
a light in an empty tunnel,
you make me see the good in the world,
give me a reason to struggle some more,
and pull me from the void.

The emptiness is filled and
the tide recedes, leaving new
and wonderful treasures behind
to marvel and be dazzled by.
You fill me with light;
with laughter and with happiness.
You save me.
You love me.

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